September 27th 6:17pm
I am so tired. I have had so many sleepless nights lately and was up today 4am. But!
But! I did it. I finished the proposal for a gallery in Maine and yes, I mailed it today on my break.
 Lot's of angst over this. I haven't applied to a gallery in years and I have become very secure in my little world. Highwire is safe. Now,I'm putting it out there and have to brace for reject. And should I get it I have to brace for expense! Costs a lot to paint those big paintings. But I made the commitment to myself. I often think about other people my age.They worked and now enjoy babysitting,taking senior cruises or are dead! Me,I keep pushing. I'm not trying to prove anything nor do I think I'll be famous.

I like it! So,Enter back Mr. Devil.He's watching CNN.He is keeping me straight. I did a series of paintings of this guy which I don't think I posted but you can be sure I will.
I am teaching a class on "Dreaming Outside of the Box" about Chagall and Man Ray.Well, Sat Mr.D in my bedroom last night and bring on the nightmares. I say thanks,it was exhausting but I needed the info. He wants to go to Portland next week.He's a First Class Devil so shouldn't he ride on a First class train!

September 26th 7:49Pm
What a beautiful night. On the deck listening to music.Waitied all day for the rain,never came. I had to move paintings today so started early. Can't beleive a month has gone by. Now,more work for some new shows.There is so much going on now I should probably write in the notebook with the black sharpie.I need to get some stuff out of my head and that was the only way I could,just kind of spill it.

I'll be right back,just thought of..............my old friend. Meet "Mr.Devil". I met this guy many years ago in Juarez Mexico. I don't know what it is about him but,I brought him home and here he is. He usually sits on the mantle but lately he has been up to some nasty tricks. Never,ever,EVER,make a deal with a devil. All of a sudden my focus is gone,my head is spinning, and I am falling back into the black hole.
I worked so hard on my show that I lost focus. The committment I made to myself. This is it.This is the last shot. I need the body of work. Every day,all summer,up at 4am working and for what? The what was a goal. I wanted to know if I could still do"it",still paint.Could I put it on a blank space? It is something that I can't explain but like a drug,I need it.
Well,back to my devil friend.
Know the old saying? Never make a deal with the devil? Well,I did. and now my head is so messed up.
But,it's all about the work,and all I care about is the work!

September 9 2012 7:35
On the deck listening to my records. Worked all day at Highwire on this painting.Changed the chairs and coated the blue with a layer of ink. I won't be back until next week but I think I made some progress.I got some new books I can't wait to read. Dr.Barnes on Cezanne and anothe on Mattise.

September 9 2012    6:21am
I did it. finished the work and filled the walls. I had all the drawings and collage but as of June had not started the canvases. I knew I could do it but knowing and doing are 2 different things. anyway the opening was mobbed. I actually sold 3 pieces which always makes for a good feeling. And,to sell to artists is what I like. Years ago in Santa Fe I was called a painters painter. And the strangest of all things. Thursday evening I received an e-mail from a man who had purchased a painting "South Pueblo" from my first show in Santa Fe at Blair Galleries.I remember that painting. I had shown it at the Butler Institute in Youngstown Ohio and took it with me when I had a show in El Paso Texas. I hung my show at the University of Texas at El Paso then went roaming around New Mexico trying to get a gallery. With slides,a resume and South Pueblo I got in the Blair Gallery. They liked my work so bumped another artist out of a spring show and gave it to me. It was September and I had to get back to El Paso,take down my show,get back to New Jersey and dream up what I was going to paint.some how I did it and somehow that man showed up and went home with "South Pueblo". The year was 1978. That was then and this is now. Oh the "now". Morris Blackburn,an instructor at PAFA always talked about the now. I tried to explain the now to someone the other day and he didn't get it. White bread and the now. The new PBJ. The now is the moment. Live in the moment. Who knows?
Like the opening Friday night. All the work,planning,struggling brings you to the now,the moment when it all comes togther,it's real and then time to move forward to the next challenge.

I was watching Alan Gilbert last night. I remember him as a young conductor.I took him to St Cecilia's School in Pennsauken N.J. to talk to the students. He was a very quiet and reserved young man. That was a moment in time I will never forget,I'm sure he has. But he was living in the now. Talking to young children about the violin and his work as a conductor. Last night I watched him as he conducted the New York Philharmonic Orchestra.
I went to Highwire yesterday and worked on some new Picasso Stuff paintings. Today,Cezanne's studio,this big one comes off the wall to work on. I'm not happy with the blue floor.

September 3,2012 10:34 am
It is pouring rain so my plan to either move paintings or work on the deck are out the window.
Trying to get this Cezanne Studio #2 finished but tough since I'm working in the garage.
I want this one to be totally different. Color brighter.There are 2 chairs and Cezanne's coat and his brown leather bag. Not there yet,but,I'll get there.
Having a Sea Dog Blueberry beer. Thinking it might hasten the process. I've been up since 3:38 am.I had a cup of coffee and checked the weather and there seemed to be a window of clearing so,I cleared a spot on my deck hoping to move this painting outside.Can't decide if I want to put the stuff on the shelf but it wouldn't be the studio without them and the floor needs work. I'll have a second Sea Dog Bluberry beer. Put the stuff on the shelf and take another photo.

September 1 2012 5:17am
This is Cezanne's Studio 2. Bigger than the first one. I took it to Highwire to work on it and make sure the composition was correct,now,it will go on the deck to finish. I was going to try a different studio but since I have been working on this image for over a year it made more sense.
John Marin, the great painter of Maine, would look at things that were big when he needed some help with his work, He look at the ocean or a mountain. I decided to go look at NYC since no mountain or ocean was available, Just wandered around. Picked up a book at the Strand,well picked up a few. That was Wed. Thurs was a hectic day and I was sitting on the deck with this painting,my NYTimes paper pile and a glass of wine and...............I crashed and burned! I got up and just went to bed with my dogs.
7:30 I went to bed and slept all night. All of a sudden I felt like someone had put a pillowcase over my head and I was smothering. Yesterday up at 4am. I went to Highwire with this big friend,a cheese sandwich and gallon of iced tea. Worked on and off then waited for it to dry.Last night I watched a film"What Happened to Jack Kerouac"my hero! I listen to him on the radio in the truck. In fact,I got the CD's when I thought I might drive to Maine.
         From Pomes All Sizes 1955-1960
            Came down from my
                  ivory tower
            And found no world


                   Jack Kerouac