June 28th 2:06 pm

Ok,I'm back. first,what kind of crazy person takes on 4 shows in one year and decides it will new work. The first one actually comes down this week. And thanks to Grandpa Wiener I might just get the next one finished. Had a major setback when I lost my Polly Pug. I was doing okay until I brought her little cedar box with engraved name home. So, had a pity party well had a few pity parties.I took a picture of her on my laptop 2 days before she died. can't stand to look at it.

And nowI have to get it together. Maddie died while I was working on a show. In fact, I have to get my notebook out about her. These writings have changed since I started but I guess that's okay.Big painting "Dog Boy" has a lot to go,not sure I'll finish. 2 shrines that I will surround with

an empty frame wrapped in lights. couldn't figure any other way to light them.

Grandpa's paintings are small by my standards. 36"x 48" be he's small too!

june 11 8:05 am

What a hectic week. Finally got the play finished with some of my students. Now,the props are in the garage. Sat. hung the first of the 4 exhibits I've been freaking out about. Lot's of work but the finished result look good,I think . Been dragging these monster paintings around for what seems like forever,still trying to make stuff, and when I fall into my little world it seems okay. It's when I slip and fall into the real world I realize I am certainly marching to the wrong drum . Some one,I thought was a friend said I wasn't any fun. Wonder what fun is. I thought I was fun. Kids I work with,people I work with,lot's of people think I'm fun. People in my galleries think I'm fun.So,one person shouldn't matter should it.But it sort of does because this one person doesn't get my art, doesn't get me but still thinks I'm not fun. Next weekend I teach all day at an earth fair making art from trash. Isn't that fun? Oh well. On to the doggie show which by this time next month it will or won't be on the walls. The notebook for the show is called Dog Show the show is Dog Days. Grandpa Wiener better get his brushes out.

He's almost finished. If all goes well today I should have my shrine done and grandpa's installation. That will leave the notebook to finish tomorrow at Highwire and sunday finish Dog Boy. This is self portrait as happy kiddo. not sure if I'll paint her the same size as Dog Boy but might .

Then,and only then, I feel like treating myself to a fancy dinner out in a fancy place. Get all dressed up and be treated like a queen. The little red truck with a dent in the side hardly makes it so I will hide it somewhere behind a bush. I think I'll choose a place with a patio.

May 28th 10:11

Well, I crashed and burned last weekend. Then, felt better when one of the kids decided to splatter paint. Splatter paint always cheers me up,of course,his mom wasn't happy about the shoes.

I'm working on a play with my students and going crazy making the props. Almost done. Shows?

good grief! Thank god for grandpa wiener. I'm working on 6 paintings at the same time. I have chosen 4 of Grandpa's greatest works to interpret. also,Dog Boy. He is one of the visible boy collages. He's 72" tall. I always start paintings with a wash of different color but just drew him with black paint. Want that paint totally dry so I'll be back to him tomorrow, Prairie Dog is off the stretchers. I'm thinking of gluing it on heavy cardboard. Also have a big trash sculpture to work on,other that that nothing new.

May 24 7:34

At random I chose the Tarot card of the day and it turned out to be

"Queen of Wands"

Today is about a woman who is the mistress of self. She is an individual. Knows exactly who she is and acts as her own authority. she is a survivor of many past hurts and and has been tempered like steel through loss and grief. She knows what she wants and goes and gets it. Today is about independence personal liberty,self reliance,self esteem,self knowledge and self confidence. Take the off mask of old roles and expectations and show your true self. Be the ruler of your own life.

I'm back to trying to focus. I need to think,how do I do all the work. Study the "Queen of Wands" Don't fall in the well. No black hole.

Trying to come up with the work for my dog days show I found this photo of Madeline and Okie.

May 13th 7:00am

I have been so busy. I've also been spending time staring into space. All these show creeping up fast. any way have stopped working on the June show. I have to concentrate on July. I work on this large notebook every day at school. the little kids love to share the supplies I bring. Anyway I found a book in NYC about dog portraits. I took each one and and glued a small part on each page. I am using only the book for the collage pieces and water color and oil pastel I want to loose the image completely. I bought a bunch of canvases with the idea of using them for the visible boys planes but that will have to wait. This is "Grandpa Wiener, a painter for our times. so this is how the process works at it's best. Get it?

I like the ones that clearly show the frame. I have a bunch of frame pieces I could add if I can figure out how to attach. forgot the cover.

I'll explain the process. I found the title first,in an old art magazine. then I found the book in NYC. Then I made the notebook, next I'll do the paintings,

May 5th 6:58

Went to visit the gallery space for the show I'm having in June. Good Grief! It's huge. And not only that what kind of a nut sends a press release for a show in July with no work. actually I do have the plan in my head,great,now to get it out of my head. The plan. 5 large paintings. the first one I have the drawing "Self portrait with bullet the Wonder Dog" The second Self portrait with Taos Dog Understudies" The challenge? Can I let go of the abstract. Wait and see. Large notebook

"Sit Stay" These are abstract portraits of dogs and a series of small photos from Westminster.

April 28th 6:35 am

Everyday I work in some way on the notebooks. None are finished and what do I do ,go and start another. I couldn't figure where to put the poems.I had this book on Picasso portraits so I cut all the faces in half,the way I started the "Self Portraits from the Black Hole" so I cut all the faces and glue them in the book . Worked on one ." Homage Picasso, poems from the Black Hole"

So they are dark,what's the crime in that.

A bed

is too small for two

even if

when I think

it's a magic bed

I have dreams in it

dreams like

a true King

under his canopy

with his queen beside

in a magic room

arrested in space

like a bird on a rainbow

It is dark

I cannot see the walls

Keeping my balance

by holding Satan's tail

dragging me downwards

my thoughts are grave.

April 26th 6:28am

Been working on trying to finish all the notebooks in the little tangerine boxes. Have about 10 more of the visible boys airplane adventures but he will just have to wait. I want to finish his notebook "Wonders Never Cease" and "The Book of Secrets ",the story of the cheerleader. Having trouble with this one so took out a few pages,cut them down and re glued. I am working from the original model and I have to take some more pictures,kind of like flat stanley. This will be flat cheerleader HA! This one is 2 together with a paper doll costume in the middle. It's 8"x 10" the painting will be 2 canvases 60" x 72". I can see it that big.

I'm adding poetry to my notebook about stairways

I trudge on and on

I drag myself upward

Under my feet

My pace is slow

I can hear

Above my head

The hovering seagull

it's cry falls on my ear

To the right

Black - desolate

road threads upward

All entangled.

I have to get out my typewriter I have to get out my typewriter is not part of the poem. Just so you know.

April 25 9:05 am

I finally figured out where my ideas come from. They are found,just like found objects. I was looking through this old book I picked up at a flea market and one of the pages had airplanes glued down. They were old and from a newspaper. Carefully I lifted them out and saved them in a box. Working on my website I thought, the visible boy,he has a plane! So now he can have adventures. That's how the process works. I had a watercolor notebook so one page at a time I painted a wash with my new crayola deluxe paint set, added marker and sharpie pen. I then glued a plane. Have about 8 finished. I'm going to paint each one 36"x 48". found more in the same book so I will have about 15 paintings of "The Adventures of the Visible Boy"

All of the disgusting stretchers are gone. Yesterday I cut up "The Sound of Many Birds".I glued the birdies on 6" x 12" canvases. Not sure what will happen.

April 12 7:10 am

I always enjoy finding exactly what I need in the global trash heap. I need to spray paint my clementine boxes for my small notebooks and I have to take the spray as far away from the house as possible (don't want those Star Wars guys riding around with me again). I found 2 saw horses.

in fact,they were next to my truck when I came out of work. Who could resist? Anyway, got them well back in the yard with a big piece of cardboard on top and the first coat of spray has been applied. I also found several ski poles and skis and a bag of neckties. I 'm thinking of making a giant shaggy dog or a yak.

April 10 10:35 am

What a morning. Been up since 5 am and finished and photographed a bunch of work for my soon to be published website. Wow,a website. I went to Highwire yesterday and worked in the quiet of the gallery to finish my notebooks, which will probably never be finished. It's exciting when you take a break and then come back with new energy. Anyway the website has the little visible boy directing traffic. It's fun. Just think,you work all your life or you try to because that's all you know to do. sometimes it's good sometimes not, but it's always there. It's always there calling,challenging,disappointing but a constant. Wake up in the morning and art,my friend and worst enemy is always there. I was asked this morning why I don't write about my friends. Why don't I include all the everyday stuff. Why don't I list the credits,like a movie. I don't know,maybe cause at the end of the day my table isn't set for dinner,it's covered with stuff I make.

April 9th 8:58

Where have I been? Well,got those art cards in the mail. Had to deal with that evil person who screamed threats on the phone and then, the rains came and the flood and the disaster and then I saw Picasso and he spoke to me and then I watched Jackson Pollock and I went to NYC and ate a very expensive lunch at the met and then came home and went to a party with lots of old people and then work and Highwire and went back to the basement to look at the flood and that is when

I thought "WWJD" what would Jackson do? He would have a drink and figure it out!

3 bookcases had to be moved,2 trashed and lots of books to sort. Gave away bags of books.Took doors off hinges and trashed. Then I had to deal with the canvases. All stretcher bars were wrecked and every painting had to be taken apart. I laid each canvas on the floor and cut them up.

I folded and cut folded and cut. I didn't want to end up with a bunch of random pieces so just kept folding. some of these guys were 6 x 6 feet. I bought small pre stretched canvases and glued some of the pieces on the surface. Went back to my notebooks and included some of those scraps.

I have 7 notebooks all in their very own clementine box. This way If i want to show them they can include all the stuff that goes with them.

March 12th 7:45

Been up since 4:30. Wanted to finish my set of trading cards so I can mail them tomorrow. Actually have almost a week to spare till the deadline. I used my altered book "How to Choose a Boy" I'll use lots of this stuff for the dog days show. I'm painting boxes that are used to ship produce for displaying the books. Cheap!

Looking at these I will probably start framing some of the pages or as a set.

The painting I was working on is getting the plug pulled.

I might cut it ,not sure.

I'm promoting a local art center at the farmer's market. I'll use my spritzer girl experience for that job!

March 10 6:18

This is called "Not what I'm looking for but look what I found" I went to a meeting last night and realized I have got to get my act together. I was looking for a drawing to transfer on to trading cards,actually decided against the drawing I was looking for and went with the images of Every dog wants a boy. I found these ancient drawings of Kachina Dolls. I did a ton of these drawings and several well more than several of paintings in my pre-Santa Fe days. An instructor at the academy called it "indian shit" so I stopped and never did another. Always intimidated never duplicated. Ha!. He's dead. I'm still being intimidated. Life goes on.

I've never shown these. should it matter if they are old? Might think about it.

I could show these in my October show at the Nature Center.

Barely recovered from last weeks trauma. Didn't do much but stare into space.

Mar 4 7:49

A thought just came about a movie. I think it was the Ten Commandments not sure but the scene was about Passover. I guess it came to mind from looking at the calendar. Anyway,in this scene these folks are all huddled together in there little clay house while screaming and carrying on takes place in the streets. They will wait until it passes over. That is what I'm going to do. The evil plague has come to get me but!,I will hide in my little brick house until it goes away. I will sneak out to work and return promptly,I will sneak out to Highwire and home fine art to be with artists who don't judge because they don't care. I will come home to the little brick hut and listening to the barking of the dogs and the relentless ringing of the of the phone until it's gone. gone from my head gone from my life.

March 2 6:57 am

I'm remembering why I started writing this. It was from the original notebook. That one that went back some many years to a terrible life. It was a time that never ended.On and on it went until one day I flew away on that white dog. Strange thing,no matter how far or high I go , it will follow. There is something about people,certain people, that no matter how hard you try, once they get in your head they live there. Dormant just waiting. These sleeping crumbs of people are always there,just waiting for the perfect moment. Like Sunday,what a great day. New work. finally had my shows in place.

I was at one of my galleries and framed 3 new pieces for the next show. On the way home I stopped and did some shopping then a nice dinner and video with my doggies.

Then those dormant little crumbs start falling out of my phone. The insults,humiliation,the hateful onslaught of words. Those awful words,the sticks and stones that I kept in the back of my mind for so many years that every day I struggled to keep them there came at me. they are always in the same form and they work. They work hard and the do there job. they get out. Out of the phone they came and back in my head. Now I believe it. that's how it works that's how it's designed to work. I wanted to go to bed last night but went to a meeting, I sat in a paranoid trance. Trying to think of something to say and nothing came. Now the demon crumbs of words make me frightened. Now the crying starts and I just want to go to sleep with my doggies.

Now,how do I get them out of my head, I'll hear them all day. Everyone has an answer but they don't get it. It's easy. Spooky Dracula guy sneaks in and sucks the blood that's what it's like.

I take so many photos and have been digging out old ones. I couldn't figure out what to do with them. I starred at the notebook I started and nothing worked. This is why I like process. It keeps you going through all the frustration. I always manage to come up with what I want.

Small world, black hole. where ever I go I always seem to come back. If only .... well forget if only. Framing 2 pieces of new work. See what happens.

Feb.28 8:36 am

Visited my small world and couldn't get out. I have some much in my mind but couldn't figure anything out. Spent all day Friday determined to bring the large Cheerleader painting to an end,successful end. Don't know,not happy with it. not that it's bad. I took yesterday. I didn't want to talk to anyone and certainly didn't want to do more bad art. Some big issues last week distracted me and I needed time to myself. I have to move away from the painting and come up with a different approach. Was on a high after visiting the Gorky show so got a ticket for Picasso.

Sat at the computer and with wine in hand searched for doggie pictures. I HAVE doggie pictures.

That is were I screwing up. I can always do the painting,I can do that in my sleep. It's what and how to paint it. I can paint the doggie pictures but how to do it fresh.

I need to deliver 2 pieces to a gallery today and refuse to take old or reworked crap! So yesterday I cleared my head and this morning was determined to figure it out. At least a start.

Feb. 23 6:32 am

Eureka! Brainstorm. I found a bunch of cosmetic bags and they are the perfect size for my current notebooks. I carry them around with paint,magazine clippings and a box of oil pastels which spilled all over yesterday. Well,this new idea puts each one in it's own container. So far I have 7 started. I have so many books in various states of falling apart- ness. I also don't want to give up any original brilliance. "Behave" was one of my first. Then, "The Rule Book" then "How to Choose a Boy". I'll go back to that one first, since it will be with my dog day show. I make no sense!

But this is how the process works, it all,and will come together. Reading one now I forgot "See

Her Change" It was a small book about 2"x 3" and with regret,took apart. Now,`that is one for the cosmetic bag that I can put together.

This is the merge. Now,to figure out how to do this in real life.

Feb 20 8:19 am

Worked most of yesterday on the Cheerleader painting. So,it isn't about good or bad painting.

It's about want I want to do with the idea. The model to the painting and how to abstract it. I'm trying to learn from myself. The painting is 4 x 5 ft. Also need to put it aside,finish the notebook and concentrate on building my found object sculpture.I also have to step back and decide what is going where.I end up spending time on these experiments like a mad scientist and forget everything else. I merged the model on to the painting so I'm thinking of a large transparent drawing glued to the surface of the canvas.

Feb 18th 7:21

Woke up this morning with the strangest thought. Not a dream but a recollection of something about a vise. Kept playing it over and over in my head until I remembered it was a TV show.There was this shadow of a women,small,and this giant vise squeezing her to death. It was "The Vise"

Caught in the jaws of a vice,stories of people caught in dilemmas of their own making.

So just one of my thoughts. I seem to get myself in places I don't want to be. Ah the disease to please.

Yesterday worked on a few things at work I have a 5 yr old assistant who helps me cut and paste.

I like her thoughts. She'll too much black or don't change the cover. I take it all in,it's honest.

Feb 16 7:24 am

A day off was great. Was on the 6:15am bus to NYC yesterday. something about watching the sunrise over the NJ turnpike that made me feel like Ratso Rizzo from "Midnight Cowboy"

I went to a dog show,the dog show! Thinking about my dog show in July, I decided to divide the space and show paintings and photographs. So,took over 100 at the show. Tried to get some good candid shots most people never see in the bench area. Might even try some B/W since I got a 35mm on ebay last year and haven't tried it yet. Sunday spent the day at Highwire working on my notebooks. Have the Visible Boy started and the Prairie Dog. Made some changes to the Cheerleader. Still haven't figured out June. thinking something big but need to see the space.

Also decided to stop painting on the old canvases. Curators will have to x-ray to discover my genius. I'll save them the work.

So 2 books to work on today.

Read a great article in the New Yorker magazine about mules. I think I'll get that wolfhound instead!

Feb 9 6:29

I figured it out. Everything comes together. That is what I call the process and that is why that is what I make and do. Last week I had a conversation about what is abstract vs non- objective. My work is abstract but looks non-objective. It comes from something and actually goes back to something. What went wrong with the cheerleader was when I went to paint it I couldn't get the

image out of my head so I printed the pages and taped them together. When I held them to the light I was able to draw a simply image on the back without detail. Took those images to the painting.

And the visible boy will soon be a book. He's hopping all over my website. That,the website,is another work in progress.

Feb.7 7:40 am

What a confusing day on Friday. all set to work and I can't find the cheerleader book "Book of Many Secrets" I searched everywhere. I loose stuff all the time but to loose this was a crisis.

I decided to head out with big dog and wiener dog,go to the vet,then retrace my steps. Takes forever to get through the office with wiener dog but finally get to my room. More attention to wiener dog. No book,the kids know it since some of them sit while I work. This is a mystery for sure.

It's in a plastic bag with a book to cut up,oil pastels and a glue stick. Drop off BD and WD and go on more errands. I have a opening to go to tonight but really not in the mood. Expecting snow.

Home again and get a call from work the bag was found near the gym. Weird but back I go sans

BD and WD. All ends around 5. I'll work on Sat.

So,Sat comes and I do finish most of the pages for the paintings. I scan and print thinking I'll make small canvases of these. All is well until I go to bed and think it's a crummy idea. I laid them out but thinking of taping them together like I did the book of lies. I also need to get out the typewriter and come up with some secrets. Secrets and lies. Works for me.