March 12th 7:45

Been up since 4:30. Wanted to finish my set of trading cards so I can mail them tomorrow. Actually have almost a week to spare till the deadline. I used my altered book "How to Choose a Boy" I'll use lots of this stuff for the dog days show. I'm painting boxes that are used to ship produce for displaying the books. Cheap!

Looking at these I will probably start framing some of the pages or as a set.

The painting I was working on is getting the plug pulled.

I might cut it ,not sure.

I'm promoting a local art center at the farmer's market. I'll use my spritzer girl experience for that job!

March 10 6:18

This is called "Not what I'm looking for but look what I found" I went to a meeting last night and realized I have got to get my act together. I was looking for a drawing to transfer on to trading cards,actually decided against the drawing I was looking for and went with the images of Every dog wants a boy. I found these ancient drawings of Kachina Dolls. I did a ton of these drawings and several well more than several of paintings in my pre-Santa Fe days. An instructor at the academy called it "indian shit" so I stopped and never did another. Always intimidated never duplicated. Ha!. He's dead. I'm still being intimidated. Life goes on.

I've never shown these. should it matter if they are old? Might think about it.

I could show these in my October show at the Nature Center.

Barely recovered from last weeks trauma. Didn't do much but stare into space.

Mar 4 7:49

A thought just came about a movie. I think it was the Ten Commandments not sure but the scene was about Passover. I guess it came to mind from looking at the calendar. Anyway,in this scene these folks are all huddled together in there little clay house while screaming and carrying on takes place in the streets. They will wait until it passes over. That is what I'm going to do. The evil plague has come to get me but!,I will hide in my little brick house until it goes away. I will sneak out to work and return promptly,I will sneak out to Highwire and home fine art to be with artists who don't judge because they don't care. I will come home to the little brick hut and listening to the barking of the dogs and the relentless ringing of the of the phone until it's gone. gone from my head gone from my life.

March 2 6:57 am

I'm remembering why I started writing this. It was from the original notebook. That one that went back some many years to a terrible life. It was a time that never ended.On and on it went until one day I flew away on that white dog. Strange thing,no matter how far or high I go , it will follow. There is something about people,certain people, that no matter how hard you try, once they get in your head they live there. Dormant just waiting. These sleeping crumbs of people are always there,just waiting for the perfect moment. Like Sunday,what a great day. New work. finally had my shows in place.

I was at one of my galleries and framed 3 new pieces for the next show. On the way home I stopped and did some shopping then a nice dinner and video with my doggies.

Then those dormant little crumbs start falling out of my phone. The insults,humiliation,the hateful onslaught of words. Those awful words,the sticks and stones that I kept in the back of my mind for so many years that every day I struggled to keep them there came at me. they are always in the same form and they work. They work hard and the do there job. they get out. Out of the phone they came and back in my head. Now I believe it. that's how it works that's how it's designed to work. I wanted to go to bed last night but went to a meeting, I sat in a paranoid trance. Trying to think of something to say and nothing came. Now the demon crumbs of words make me frightened. Now the crying starts and I just want to go to sleep with my doggies.

Now,how do I get them out of my head, I'll hear them all day. Everyone has an answer but they don't get it. It's easy. Spooky Dracula guy sneaks in and sucks the blood that's what it's like.

I take so many photos and have been digging out old ones. I couldn't figure out what to do with them. I starred at the notebook I started and nothing worked. This is why I like process. It keeps you going through all the frustration. I always manage to come up with what I want.

Small world, black hole. where ever I go I always seem to come back. If only .... well forget if only. Framing 2 pieces of new work. See what happens.

Feb.28 8:36 am

Visited my small world and couldn't get out. I have some much in my mind but couldn't figure anything out. Spent all day Friday determined to bring the large Cheerleader painting to an end,successful end. Don't know,not happy with it. not that it's bad. I took yesterday. I didn't want to talk to anyone and certainly didn't want to do more bad art. Some big issues last week distracted me and I needed time to myself. I have to move away from the painting and come up with a different approach. Was on a high after visiting the Gorky show so got a ticket for Picasso.

Sat at the computer and with wine in hand searched for doggie pictures. I HAVE doggie pictures.

That is were I screwing up. I can always do the painting,I can do that in my sleep. It's what and how to paint it. I can paint the doggie pictures but how to do it fresh.

I need to deliver 2 pieces to a gallery today and refuse to take old or reworked crap! So yesterday I cleared my head and this morning was determined to figure it out. At least a start.

Feb. 23 6:32 am

Eureka! Brainstorm. I found a bunch of cosmetic bags and they are the perfect size for my current notebooks. I carry them around with paint,magazine clippings and a box of oil pastels which spilled all over yesterday. Well,this new idea puts each one in it's own container. So far I have 7 started. I have so many books in various states of falling apart- ness. I also don't want to give up any original brilliance. "Behave" was one of my first. Then, "The Rule Book" then "How to Choose a Boy". I'll go back to that one first, since it will be with my dog day show. I make no sense!

But this is how the process works, it all,and will come together. Reading one now I forgot "See

Her Change" It was a small book about 2"x 3" and with regret,took apart. Now,`that is one for the cosmetic bag that I can put together.