Get to see this one twice.It is an interior of old house. not sure want happened to it. I did several.It's not totally accurate the furniture is but layout is all wrong. anyway that's it .

I'm bothered and distracted by a message I got saying I am a hateful,cruel and manipulative person. Funny,I certainly don't think of myself in those terms. See,that's just like not wanting to do a leftover dinner. Selfish.So,I feel guilty and God forbid someone not think nice of me so do I give in and give up and into what don't believe and leave my zone. I believe?Cruel? Am I really cruel or just trying to raise my head and not drown in that swimming pool? Not sure. Never sure.Ever since I can remember I

was always so sure and then someone comes along and slowly my head gets all twisted,my world becomes small,I'm drowning in the pool and I ,Loose focus,Hey Focus! there is that old word again.

Reminds me of a jacket I wanted. It was white with blue and green stripes. I think I was in 4th of 5th grade.Mom didn't want me to get it but I loved it so much. It had a hood. I wore it once and everyone laughed at me. Never should have left the place I didn't grow up in.

Nov. 30 6:06am

I had nightmares last night of swimming in a huge pool. I looked up the meaning and it means I am forcing myself to deal with emotional difficulties. This was the last animal painting.

It lives in Vineland NJ I'm thinking of doing some animal paintings. Sat on the side of the rode yesterday watching 8 deer grazing in the woods. I think I'll do a series of dogs,deer and raccoons. I see raccoons in my dreams over and over. I'll check that out. That,meaning the raccoons could be I've been thinking about them since I saw some in a tree and remembered

Little Ricky Raccoon.

Nov. 29th 7:40

This is "Hunterdon Co Landscape" Big,really big. In 2 sections maybe 6 x 9 ft or more. I did this as part of the NJ State council on the Arts program artists in education. Can't believe I used to

roam all over the state. I would drive 150 miles a day to work in a studio set up in the school.

Pud would stalk me here. I would see him driving in the opposite direction. He made up all kinds of lies to the administration about me,do all kinds of crazy stuff. Anyway,worked here for a year before being sent to Salem,NJ. Oh,this is what I was working on when I lost the studio. Lost the rotary dial phone. It was 1983. I went to Salem in 1984. My studio is in the school but at home it is now in the barn.

I had 2 shows to get ready for. Camden Co Cultural and Heritage Comm and Rutgers University.I had a job a CCCand HC but had to quit, know why? Lies and stalking!

Anyway show at Rutgers was my last one for 10years. I got pneumonia from working in the freezing cold barn. Pud said I didn't seem to want to do art anymore.Ha! Is he kidding? I have

pneumonia, frozen hands and feet, no job oh,forgot,he got me thrown out of my gallery in Santa Fe. I was in a show in NYC and he started a big fight with the owner,then he crushed the hand of an instructor at the PAFA which didn't do me any good. But,there is a but! It was for my own good. I get it now,get it now?

Okay,so it's not the 26th,I was hoping it was the 26th,day after Christmas. It is the 28th.

This is "Friends on Frozen Landscape" Love horses.I used to ride all over New Mexico on a horse named Lightfoot. I will light up the plastic horses for Christmas homage to Lightfoot and the weathervane!

Nov.26th 6:45am

I'm trying to stay focused. Focus,my therapist always said I got lost because I can't stay focused.

I started the first painting, "Self Portrait After Being Sent to My Room". I just looked out the window and saw my weathervane. It's about 7ft tall with a copper horse. You can see it in lots of the drawings sort of pointing the way. It has a design on the top,not really an arrow. It is all I have from the old house. Going back I moved there when I was in art school and had fun digging through the antiques. I had a zillion raccoons living in the barn and a black cat named Rudy.

Anyway, everything is gone,oh,not really gone. Pud has it all,sort of a giant con on how he needed it blah ,blah, blah, He even has Rudy!

I have the weathervane.

I also have a bunch of those plastic horses from the thing kids ride. I'm going to decorate them for christmas. "Homage to the Weathervane"!

Nov. 27 7:50 am

The Tarot card of the day is the Knight of Cups. Quests.

Goals are far away and require a journey either physical or spiritual.

The Knight of Cups represents creativity and yearning. Fulfillment exists but may be far away.

A journey begins.

This is for all the skeptics who don't believe in anything spiritual. I decided days ago this day would be the day I start to gather all the information and plan new work and new ideas.A day for me. I met all responsibilities this week with family,friends,work.

I want to be alone without responsibility,selfish oh my yes since I'm not doing the leftover dinner? Explain why I don't answer the phone?

When I don't have a plan my world becomes small and I get caught up in pleasing. I want to please myself today. I want to start that journey. Get on the white dog and fly away.

This is "Lambscape" the Cigna Corp. purchased this painting and in was sent to their Dallas Texas office where it became the only painting stolen from the Cigna Corp.

"Prairie Dog" This is my favorite painting and one that did not get cut in fact still have this one. It is my sister's bedroom in Ho-Ho-Kus ,where I didn't grow up. and instead of Bullet the Wonder dog (the first wiener dog) I replace him with Raven.

I missed all these paintings and I missed my studio and I missed being me. I came home one day and my studio was gone. An aqua carpet covered the floor and my phone was gone .It was a black rotary dial phone with a big splat of paint on it. I was told people don't live that way. I was being bad again.

Anyway,I knew the house I flew to on white dog was right cause it had a tan rotary dial phone and a black rotary dial phone in the basement. They work good.