Dec. 31 8:26 am

It's New's Year's Eve. The Tarot card of the day is the Tower. Strange that I saved writing about my Tower and I picked the Tower card. It isn't the best card so I'll save the explanation for tonight. For now, the story of my tower.

When I moved to my house with no furniture I did have hundreds of old National Geographic magazines. In fact,it took 2 wagon loads to get them from my neighbors trash. I would sit with them in a corner of the back of the house and cut them up. I never went in the yard at that time. so,day after day, I would cut all kinds of interesting pictures out and save them in plastic boxes.

I found one about the 1964 World's Fair and this photo of a tower of population intrigued me.

Okay, since it was 1999 and the year 2000 was a big deal I will recreate this tower. I decided to assemble the structure at my old house. The base was a large 4 x 4 ft piece of plywood. and the tower made of chicken wire that I wrapped around several times. God the thing was huge! And,

rather heavy,in fact heavy and top heavy. No problem, I will cover it with the people of the world and all will be fine. Okay,now where do you find hundreds of people of the world dolls?I

searched flea markets, thrift shops everywhere I could think of and began to wore them on as I collected them. My idea was to display this in a gallery but the thing got so heavy the more people the weight grew until I simply could not move the thing. Who cares! I was determined to finish. As time grew closer I became desperate so add a few trolls dressed in foreign costumes. From the picture, the light at the top seemed to be a big globe of some sort so instead I place a lampshade with 2000 written on all sides. For the lighting ceremony I wore an outfit with the Eiffel Tower,seemed appropriate. My mom took our picture. Ah,one of those great moments of history.

Dec.30 6:35am

Tarot card of the day is the Seven of Wands

Today is about valor, bravery,courage and strength. There may be a confrontation that requires

you to defend yourself,protect something or meet a challenge and you will face it boldly. you have the acquired self assertion and you believe in yourself enough to stand your ground with daring

and courage. Today you will feel the fear but do it anyway.

I can't figure if because I'm an artist or maybe I wanted to be an artist or try to be artist that people (who ever these people are) think I am something of that freak of nature I drew. Is one a freak because you have opinions that differ,drive a little truck and think it's okay, like wearing clothes from the lost and found, want to make stuff more than talk on a phone and simply want to be in control of your own life? This has been my struggle for my whole life. this is who I am and most people I've met along the way have thought," No, that's not who you are,you will be who I want you to be." then comes the struggle. I left my old house over 10 years ago and decided to put the trust in me,I'll figure it out just me and my doggies. Whenever I stray I get lost,trying to please and fall into the hole.I have to have the courage to stay out of the hole

not fall in or get pushed in. stand my ground.

I will put my paper hat on my concussion and dance...e e cummings.

Dec. 29 7:16 am

Okay,how do I get all this confusing mess figured out. The evening bag,the carnival scene etc before the Tower. The evening bag was part of my show "Painfully New Work". I'll find all the photos later. We want to see the freaks for the Carnival Scene. This of course has a great PUD story. We were in his favorite bar. He was drinking,smoking and talking and I was paying no attention. He always sat with his back to me so I was probably daydreaming. I hear "She can do it,she's a weirdo and nuts enough." Do What? Weird enough for what? They want you do do sets for a play. That was the end of his involvement. There was no money involved and like he always said "You want them to like you,right?" Oh yea right. First I have to see the Elephant Man movie.

Grief it's scary,frightening! Ah ,I'll do it. I decide to research,collect and through myself in the world of freaks. I decide I am a freak, a freak of nature. I did every one as a line drawing and thought I could draw them ala Matisse with a long stick a charcoal attached to the end. Well,as Roswell Weidner an instructor at the Academy said of me once as I drug a huge canvas around

"You are no Matisse" He was right. I end up taking these huge canvas drops to the basement and laying them on the floor and bending over to paint them . This is impossible. It IS the work for a freak. They take forever to dry and weigh a ton. I get in to the life of Chang and Eng and read several books about them. The bearded lady becomes my favorite. Anyway,I finish and drop them off. Then I need to make a gift for the director, a poster of the play,framed. Are they kidding me? Still no talk of money. Just this fame and fortune that will come with this production. Well,they hang them up but don't put all in the play. The rest are in a room for the cast party. They present the costly poster to the director and never mention my name!

Dec.28 10.49 am

Holiday got in the way so now I am trying to figure out where I am. I want to write about my tribute tower but will wait until New Year's Eve. I also get very confused about the time frame so I'm all over the place. want to get to year 1999/2000,for the sake of the tower.

I had to search for the "Carnival Scene." I did the sets for Elephant Man and plunged myself into the life of freaks and side show oddities. I created drops for the play about 10 ft long. Lost most in the flood and can't find the drawings. An artist friend saw the play and said he only knew one crazy person who would do such a thing and yes ME!

I made a pop up book for the basic design. These 2 characters are the barkers.

So,since I can't find the drawings and the originals are gone I'll move on.

I want to write about my favorite book "From the Insane Asylum" by Joseph Kaufer copyright

1966. Gee the year I graduated from High School. Must be a sign.

The Painter

When he was brought in

for a rather mild psychosis

Of which sadness was the principal ingredient

They permitted him to bring in with him his

brushes and colors-

Indeed,encouraged him

to set up his easel on the lawn

Before the lovely landscape

And to paint the fields,clouds ,rivers

the glorious scene

He could not. He had lost the vision within.

Here's the rest,enter Okie my first pug. Then comes Madeline. all are gone except Polly. Guess I should update. I'll take my head out of the oven and make a card with Katie,Lucille,Polly and Ellie!

I'm not sure if this is the first one with Raven but is one of my favorite cards.

Here is the second, the animals are the first to greet.