Dec. 29 7:16 am

Okay,how do I get all this confusing mess figured out. The evening bag,the carnival scene etc before the Tower. The evening bag was part of my show "Painfully New Work". I'll find all the photos later. We want to see the freaks for the Carnival Scene. This of course has a great PUD story. We were in his favorite bar. He was drinking,smoking and talking and I was paying no attention. He always sat with his back to me so I was probably daydreaming. I hear "She can do it,she's a weirdo and nuts enough." Do What? Weird enough for what? They want you do do sets for a play. That was the end of his involvement. There was no money involved and like he always said "You want them to like you,right?" Oh yea right. First I have to see the Elephant Man movie.

Grief it's scary,frightening! Ah ,I'll do it. I decide to research,collect and through myself in the world of freaks. I decide I am a freak, a freak of nature. I did every one as a line drawing and thought I could draw them ala Matisse with a long stick a charcoal attached to the end. Well,as Roswell Weidner an instructor at the Academy said of me once as I drug a huge canvas around

"You are no Matisse" He was right. I end up taking these huge canvas drops to the basement and laying them on the floor and bending over to paint them . This is impossible. It IS the work for a freak. They take forever to dry and weigh a ton. I get in to the life of Chang and Eng and read several books about them. The bearded lady becomes my favorite. Anyway,I finish and drop them off. Then I need to make a gift for the director, a poster of the play,framed. Are they kidding me? Still no talk of money. Just this fame and fortune that will come with this production. Well,they hang them up but don't put all in the play. The rest are in a room for the cast party. They present the costly poster to the director and never mention my name!