Dec.9th 6:36 am

Dogs all asleep, pouring rain so I can think. Tarot of the day is 7 of Swords.

A Lack of Purpose (well this is the story of my life) A confusion of options causes goals to become confused. To go in circles,waste time. A need for assistance goes unanswered.

Well,how true. I've got so much spinning in my head. this is where all the notebooks came in handy cause I need to focus. Like when I'm at work,going out on the playground is such an incredible waste of time. Anyway, I'll try to be my own assistance. I got the contract for my first show for 2010 which is in June. I should concentrate on that instead of thinking about the one in Sept. Got out my fountain pen. That's important. does anyone care if the stuff in the garage should go up to the loft? It's been there since August. And, there is always the dining room table.

Enough of that. I'm assisted!

Back to the Mango Papers. this is the altar I planned. I can't remember it being so detailed. I noted one of the measurements was the size of a coffin. Creepy!. Scarlet is God's Martyr's and gold = mystery. a lily =Mary. Art is worship through sight. I start to plan the center which turns out to be an old painting from art school I cut and stuff and literally crucify. I working in a Catholic school in Camden so certainly influenced.I decide this thing needs to light up and have blood dripping. Why not? I am bothered because I know the ending to this and anyone reading doesn't. As I read over it almost has a sad and pathetic prediction. One can't I know I can't imagine the end. Sure through me back in the hole.Anyway, on Feb.19 2001 at 3:30 am I have an attack of brilliance. I remember a painting I did of a nuclear power plant and decide the red in that huge painting is perfect. Unfortunately, on Feb 20 2001 I realize I cut it up long ago. When I moved. I was just to big. I decide to cut up Green House . I don't.