Jan 30 5:51 am

I wish I could understand how my mind works. I was waiting for a train yesterday,nobody on the platform and just the sound of this leaking water pipe dripping. The echo of the sound filled the tunnel. I started to count the tiles on the floor and figured there were 5 tiles then the yellow strip then the tracks. That's all, just 5 tiles. I figured if you walked those 5 tiles it would take about 5 seconds and then you would be on the yellow strip, then the tracks so say total 8 seconds.

The train could never stop in 8 seconds. That's what I thought listening to the dripping water pipe.

Jan 29th 4:40 am

Working on 2 big paintings, and 1 book as well as reading notebook from 2007. not happy with the paintings so I'll bring one up to the garage to spray paint. When in doubt, spray. I was working on a puppet head that was to be exhibited in an alumni show. It was August and I was spray painting an old porch column for the pedestal. Bright yellow needs several coats. Upon delivery of this bright yellow pedestal and puppet head I was going through the toll booth on the bridge and turned to see the band from Star Wars sitting in my truck!. Never,never spray paint in August without a mask,ended up in the emergency room.So, it's about 20 degrees today so I'm spray painting the evening bag who became the Lady in Red. I'm re-working the whole composition of the 2nd painting.I cut up a book on 20th century art and added some or should I say borrowed some shapes from Picasso,he'll never find out. Now the good news is in the 2007 notebook I found a series of drawings. Self portraits with dogs and some of my cat Rudy. I'll use these for the July show. Lady in Red has to be delivered Sun so hopefully I won't screw up.

I also took the heads off of 3 of the DaDa dolls. Not a big deal,I do this all the time.

Jan 26 5:23 am

Got up early and read the entire notebook from 2004. Wow was that boring. sometimes it's hard to remember what a struggle these last 10-12 years have been. Struggling to get back my art was like starting all over. The work was so bad ,yet,I kept on going. Remember a friend said "The art will get you through." She was right. I found the dog picture of Raven so I can start that book.

The cheerleader is going fine. This will be different Miss America. More abstract. Also decided to take a few shadow box frames apart to put my books in. Thinking if I leave the glass off you can turn the pages. One thing of interest from 2004 was the devil puppet showed up again.

this is the poem I start the new book with seems like it goes with the theme. not sure where

I found it. I'll get out the typewriter so I can ad words to the pages.

Everyone whacks her with tiny blows

the way you peel an egg.

With desperate bursts of perfume

she strikes back at the world

With sharp giggles she gets even

For all the sadness.

and with quick little fallings-in-love,

like burps and hiccups of feeling.

A terrorist of sweetness.

she stuffs bombshells with despair and cinnamon,

with cloves,with shrapnel of love.

at night when she tears off her jewelry,

there's a danger she won't know when to stop

and will go on tearing and slashing away at her whole life.

Jan 24 4:37 am

Back to a notebook from 2004. this page is so ridiculous

I had to take a photo. I love "The Song of Bernadette"

The book Franz Werfel,a worldly man,a European Jew who would drink from the spring at Lourdes everyday praying for a miracle I guess because he was trying to escape with Alma Mahler,European wench who was carrying Gustav Mahler's musical scores. Franz vowed if he ever got out of Europe he would write the "Song of Bernadette" He did and Alma took up with Klimt or Kokoschka or was that before Werfel. Who knows.

2004 was when I started to use the computer. I drew kitchen tools and would work over and over just trying to learn all the effects. Printed then then either drew or used them in collage. It certainly turned out to be a very minor phase although I did win a prize from the Fellowhip of The Pennsylvania Academy. That made it worth it. I drew a toaster,turned it upside down and it became a dog.

Jan 22 12:pm

I guess last week wasn't as bad as I thought since I did manage to start this painting.

Not done yet but soon.

Painting is big about 4 x 6 ft.

Jan 22 8:29am

It's art day and hopefully will go better than last week which became make bad art,feel miserable,drink some wine and fall asleep day. Working on Hazel before going to the paint.

I have lots of new colors to try to work on the Cheerleader. Please don't call my models robots.

they are more like prototypes. Another page from my writing which no one understands. I like that. I like having or doing something that no person understands. that way I always have something of my own. Can't take away can't change because you don't get it Ha!

"Agitated,no,no,no! He doesn't understand a word I say. throat fungus caused by a night of irresponsible fun. A night of watered down drinks. I remind the management of the watered down drinks.so needless and my situation becomes one of lowering standards." don't get it? Good!

I have over 50 self portraits from the Black Hole that goes with all this strange commentary.I also missed writing about 3 notebooks because I get ahead of myself. Gee,stuff to look forward to. I went through this phase of stuffing kid's pajamas and putting bizarre heads on them. Thank god that phase ended. And Van Gogh's painting of the Potato Eaters I replaced the heads with chain saws I cut out of a Sears Catalog. I think I still have that. and the Party in NYC which

is actually an essay with drawings.

Well,off to try to get something done. May I present Hazel.

Jan 19 7:18am

Problem with doing so much art is I end up having so much art! Looking for the missing photo I come across all kinds of neat stuff. Started a new model Hazel Haines. I'm waiting for the glue gun to heat. What a crazy weekend,probably normal for me. Friday was horrible. managed to throw lot's of paint around. Saturday better. Sunday I went to Phila.in the pouring rain to buy art supplies and yesterday got started on my website. A friend is doing it for me, thank god. Last night evening back in center city for wine and snacks. A perfect weekend starts in the black hole and ends with a few wines!

Hazel's head is on.

Found this collage "Nobody's Perfect" the head is a photo of that creepy guy with the snakes coming out of his head. Put it in the trash this morning. The creepy head not the collage.

Another PUD purge. He's gone but not forgotten.

Don't feel like going to work today.