January 19 2020
Tarot of the day is The King of Wands
This card represents initiative, drive and desire. Risk taking. Restless and bored with the predictable.Lead rather than follow.He makes life wonderful for those he loves and just the opposite for those that displease.
Well gee I guess I nailed that one. Driven? Who me? Driven too insanity. That's all there is.
Anyway, listening to my jazz music on a Sunday morning . Of course I had to stumble around in the sawdust for a look at what's going on in Slumberland. I got out some old watercolors and reworked them with my new paint set. I've decided Slumberland will have a big parade. The crowd will make some sort of a special occasion which I haven't dreamed up yet. The watercolors where MY interpretation of the Ballet Russe de Monte Carlo. Another one of my screwball ideas. So now they will become lost souls in Slumberland. Leading will be Blue Jack he is well known across multiple continents for his thin legs and see through chest.The comes Florita her face painted in Kabuki style.
Her crippled hands are concealed under rustling faded taffeta. Have to bring them to life.
I'll be going back to the Mutter Museum to do more drawings of Harry and Carol. Since we just met I need to get to know them better.

January 16,2020
The Tarot of the day is Three of Coins It represents an artist ,driven to bring something into creation.
Intense concentration to solve problems.
Well this sure is revealing. Does this mean crawling around on the floor of my studio covered in sawdust is intense concentration? I have been focused on this idea of bringing my little characters to life.
They have been too static. Frozen in time. Kind of like wax figures and I know they can do better. Crawling around on the floor we have conversations. We talk .They don't say much but when they do it is meaningful. The storyteller has the most to say.Anyway,I took lots of photos. some good some bad. I stepped on the roller coaster and squished it. Jack Knife created chaos practicing his technique throwing knives at Sally. "Wounded by the Master she wore her scar proudly. I came up with that yesterday. I need to start making the graveyard. We need to have a day of homage to grandma and the story teller will give the eulogy.I know I make no sense and I don't even try to. Who cares? I toss rose petals onto the floor where Evening Bag is singing.  Life hasn't been easy for her but the melodies she sings in Slumberland are enchanting. She's broken but healing.
I took the day off yesterday to relax. Read my book on the train thinking about the next characters.
I was  to meet a friend at the candy store but had the wrong store so started walking. Strange. I walk along the city streets all the time. Today was different. People rushing by,crazies in the street and then I see that person,  The person I was to meet at the candy store. He bought me chocolate hearts. I thought as  I watched him walk away and I got on the bus. It's the little things that make life so grand.
Like chocolate hearts from the candy store.
Harry and Carol are the new folks coming to Slumberland.

Friday January 3, 2020
The Tarot card of the day is Ace of Swords
Not good. Swords cut.Cut deep.
My day went downward after my silly fantasy of Slumberland. And that's what is was  a fantasy.
I have all these dreams of finding my freaking little friends I met on the beach of Coney Island. The ones that came running to save grandma. We would have fun eating the Chinese food with the inspector calling out orders. And me jumping on the bed! Sidecar ,who can ever forget him.
This is short,but,I know I will find them.Maybe not at Slumberland but I will find them.

January 2 2020
The Tarot of the day is Ace of Swords It represents the rational mind,your guiding ideal the vision that guides  you through life's changing fortune with single minded clarity. Optimism,evolution, progress,  hope and clarity.
I'm going to sound like a nut,nut! I've been called worse.I love sitting and listening to my jazz music in the evening after a day of art,art.riding my bike and more art. I dream of changes.Oh not like taking a different train or bus but real changes. So!
I am moving to "Slumberland" god who knows where it is but that is where I am going.  Life  can become  boring.Well maybe boring isn't the correct word. I go to plays, do my work,go the the opera,
Good Grief I am A commission running a Teen Art Festival. But I have decided to chuck it all,even if for a few minutes,and live in Slumberland. I'm going to get Chinese food.........not Asian food! Chinese food. I'm going to sit on the bed and watch trashy TV and eat my Chinese food out of the containers with chopsticks. I"m going to  take my hair and twist it around and stick them in the twisted mess. I'm going to sit cross legged and munch on fortune cookies and believe every fortune.
I'm going to take a shower and let the water stream over my face as I dream of a handsome stranger dancing the tango. Even if just for a moment ,isn't that all we have? Moments? I want one special moment to take with me forever.

January 1 2020
Happy New Year
The card Tarot of the day is the Lovers. It represents the challenges of choosing a partner. At a
crossroad one can only choose one path. Funny I made this choice last week. Last Saturday on my usual bike ride I can to those 2 paths. One would keep me on the known. The path I've been on for a long time. No risk. Came home and couldn't keep the thought of that path off my mind. Worked in my studio did all the usual things. However that path the other one is the one I chose.
           
                                               The Road Not Taken
  
                            Two roads diverged in a wood.and I- I  took the one lass traveled by
                             And that has made all the difference in the world

                                                                                            Robert Frost
               
                                           

December 27th 2019
The tarot of the day is The Seven of Wands
This is pretty true. Represents initiative,ambition drive and desire. Risk- taking.The card shows a woman walking. She is a warrior and has vanquished adversaries against all odds.
What a crazy week. Like being part of my own little carnival. Some fun,some tears but gladly all is well. Moving into a new decade. How exciting life will be. I just know this will Everything is washed away. Just like Grandma at Coney Island. How often I sat on that beach looking over the water and wondering what was out there. Now I think I know. 20 years looking out over a horizon. Out of train and bus windows wondering what is there, ever for me. I took a few figures down to Hopkins Pond. The funny ones that look like bushman. I need to think of a name. Individual names. Edited the photos on my laptop.  Not bad for the first round.Least I didn't fall in the water. There were very well behaved. Sat in the back basket of my bike. I spray painted the shoes on the shoe launcher guy. So much more to do but now that the story is set. I'm good to go. I have to type tomorrow. It's all in my head along with everything else I store up there.

December 26th  2019
I have decided to choose my method of selecting the Tarot of the day electronically.
The spirit world communicates that way so let's see what the spirits have to say!
uh oh..........The Lovers,really? Are you kidding me? My whole world has turned upside down
since cupid fired the arrow and knocked me off my feet. I have a Teen Arts Festival to organize
and a proposal to finish, for crying in a bucket!
Anyway,had a major meltdown last night. I wish I could blame it on drinking too much wine but I can't. I think it might have been I still miss my little Ginny. I can say "Oh I lost my dog but I'm okay"
I don't think I really let myself grieve . Well  I sure did last night. My poor sweet friend is probably still in shock but at least he saved my sister a trip from NYC. I remember freaking out on 34th Street in NYC few years ago on my birthday. I was having a hot dog from a crummy cart. The the year mom died coming home on the bus. And the time some kid at PAFA said my work was disturbed. Just too many to list. So whatever. Today will be better. I'm taking the bush people to the pond to take some photos. I realize the walls  of my studio are closing in on me. I have to step back and evaluate what I have and put it together. The story will end after the the freaks save Grandma,we go to the wedding reception and ride home. It will pick up years later after the storyteller is grown,grandma gone and and freaks have left Coney Island. The story teller has to find them.I was going to make pitch cards but that is too literal. I want this to be original and a tad seedy.

December 25, 2019
Christmas Day
 The tarot card of the day is The Hermit
When you become aware of the true road  there will nothing can stand in your way. Life has challenged you but you are prepared to make the best of the future

December 24 2019 Christmas Eve
The Card to day is Seven of Pentacles
If I read this intuitively it shows a sad man staring at all his stuff. Lonely maybe.I woke up at 1am. Eureka! I figured it out. So how to write it to remember or how to put it down. A list of course a list.
The first trip to Coney Island was a preview. A walk about to get the feel for the place. Stepped off the bus and wow. I was in heaven. I could see forever over that water. I sat on the beach to think.
Okay,I thought but now what. The water was warm. The beach hot. I hadn't prepared well but I did go in the water up to my knees. Had no spare clothes. I could feel the waves slowly come in . There was the great wonder wheel. Just like it always had been. I didn't go on it. Just stared. I was dragging all kinds of useless stuff. Books ,notebooks,camera crap. I was nervous someone would befriend me on the bus. Talk about fear! Someone tagging along. I found the Merry-Go Round. The music was blaring so of course I investigated. I sat and watched  and listened to the music. Only thing I like about cell phones is it remembers the date. It was July 19th 2018. I sat up,and walked over to the gate and said " I'll have 1 ticket". I made sure I picked out a horse that would go up and down.I was all by myself riding like the wind on my chestnut colored steed. The ride didn't last long and I had more exploring to do. The ride gave me courage. I head back to the beach and decide to take out my little alligator people

The Blog is Back!

                                 Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong
                                 Under the shade of a cooibah tree
                                 He sang as he watched and waited 'till his billy boiled
                                 You'll come a- waltzing Matilda with me.

                                Waltzing Matilda,Waltzing Matilda
                                 You'll come a- waltzing Matilda with me
                                 He sang as he watched and waited 'till his billy boiled
                                you'll come a waltzing Matilda with me
                             
                                 Down came a jumbuck to drink at the billabong
                                Up jumped the swagman and grabbed him with glee,
                                he sang and he shoved that jumbug in his tucker bag
                                You'll come a- waltzing Matilda with me

                                Up rode the squatter, mounted on his thoroughbred
                               Up rode the troopers, one,two, three
                               With the jolly jumbuck you've got in your tucker bag?
                               You'll come a- waltzing Matilda with me.
                             
                               Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
                                You'll come a- Waltzing Matilda with me
                               With the jolly jumbuck you've got in your tucker bag
                                You'll come a waltzing Matilda with me.

                               Up jumped the swagman and sprang into the billabong
                               You'll never catch me alive, said he.
                               And his ghost may be heard as you pass by that billabong
                               you'll come a- waltzing Matilda with me

                              Waltzing Matilda,Waltzing Matilda
                              You'll come a Waltzing Matilda with me
                              his ghost may be heard as you pass by that billabong
                              You'll come a Waltzing Matilda with me
                               Oh you'll come a waltzing Matilda with me

 
                               
         

                                



                                                     


           
                                

THe Ace of Pentacles

December 23 2019
It's been a long time since I wrote. I always started with pulling a card from the Tarot deck
so here  we go............it is the ACE of PENTACLES.This is a good card. I took a class in how to read the cards intuitively.  you interpret what you see ,its all good in this one.
So why now. No sure. I just read the posts from so many years ago. How the hell did I survive all that crap? It's almost as though it never happened. Like a whole big chunk of my life just went puff  and disappeared.  Mom's gone. I thought I would never recover. I remember the first Christmas after she died I made an arrange of greens to take to her grave. The only thing I had on hand for a container was a big wooden shoe. Ridiculous. Who puts a wooden  shoe filled with tree limbs on their mother's grave.I'm going to visit. Haven't had the courage but a very sweet person as offered to go with me. You know what? No one ever has. I hope I don't go kablooey. I'm sure not taking a shoe He'll think I'm a nut!
I do remember going to a cemetery  in Taos,  New Mexico. It was on the rode to Taos Pueblo.
There were wooden crosses and all types of things on the graves {I have to get my dictionary out,
always wrote with the dictionary because I can't spell} anyway I will take something of mom's to place on her stone. I haven't seen the stone but it is supposed to look like my father's. I picked his out.Pink stone with roses. I'll take something of his or maybe I'll get a cigar. This is good . I have a plan
As far as the rest? Katie is gone, Lucille,Polly . Polly dies in bed and the radio was playing Waltzing Matilda. So............. Matilda was born the day Polly died. Still have Ellie. There was Ginny .Ginny
was a rescue and had lot's of issues but she was a sweet little dachshund.I held in my arms wen she went into cardiac arrest and died. Now it's just me,Matilda and Ellie. We'll be just fine/

                                                                 Matilda as a child

.

October 21,2012 6:03am
Trying to work out Matisse Studio so I can get it on the canvas today. Weather is still warm so I can work in the garage. I have this one to lay out,at least get the wash of color and Matisse Couch. Both will be the same size since that's what's left in canvas inventory. I'll need to order more canvases. I made a list of the artists left in the first studio series. Palettes of Derain. I  took my big Derain canvas off the stretchers. Thinking of gluing it on wood. Back to the list.Small square canvases for Braque.
Leger and a portrait of LeCourbusier,he was kind of freaky looking.Villion,who had a shelf ala Cezanne. That should do it. I need to work on the photographs I took at Homer's studio. Need to decide what size. Oh, and the 2 paintings sitting on  the deck  I've been spray painting.
Other than that?
I have another application for an opportunity in Maine. When I got off the Downeaster in Portland last week I thought" Are you nuts " How the hell am I going to drag this stuff to Maine.So rather then worry about that I'll do another now that's nuts!
Sun will be up in about half an hour,time to get to work.

October 20 2012 7:37 pm
On the deck.What a beautiful night. Listening to music and having wine and wrapped up in my Our Lady of Guadalupe Robe. I realized today I need her back in my life. So on my way to Highwire I played her music.
I wanted to start my Winslow Homer studio drawings but need to finish Matisse. Worked today on his studio. Then took a walk to a motorcyle shop..Matisse paintings will be about 40 x 60.
I'm distracted.

October13th 6:50am
Just a few days ago I stood in the rain on these rocks in Maine. How many years ago Winslow Homer sat on these same rocks just watching the sea. I learned so much about this man in just 1 week. But  that will come later. I have one more painting to finish in my first studio series as I also begin the next. As soon as I saw the interior of Homer's studio I had in in my head. I can see it on the canvas. Just like I saw Cezanne's I can see Homer's. The chair,his pipe the fireplace. I have a new bag of paint I haven't looked in but I'm sure I'll need different colors. Deep brown and reds. and when I saw his paintings he had the hint of a blue,beautiful blue. And the size is important. In Cezanne's it was about the shelf and the ladders. Homer needs to be more intimate yet the scale still the same. I think I'll do some of the long skinny pieces of his bed. I'm also looking at John Marin,well,since I saw his work on the first trip to Maine and then at the MET over the summer. And can't forget Eakins. This is my new trio!Eakins was a real weirdo,actually a real creep! More on him later also. Oh and why do I take the train. Everyone asks why the train. I can't imagine Winslow Home on anything but a train,had to be a train.As he made his way up the coast through the same towns looking out the window just like me!

           " Seems to me,"he has stated the true artist must perforce go from time to time to the
            elemental forms Sky,Sea,Mountain,Plain and those things pertaining there to,to sort
            of  re-think himself up,to recharge the battery! For those big forms have everything
            But to express these,you have to love these to be part of these in sympathy. One doesn't
            get very far without this love.
                    John Marin
       

September 27th 6:17pm
I am so tired. I have had so many sleepless nights lately and was up today 4am. But!
But! I did it. I finished the proposal for a gallery in Maine and yes, I mailed it today on my break.
 Lot's of angst over this. I haven't applied to a gallery in years and I have become very secure in my little world. Highwire is safe. Now,I'm putting it out there and have to brace for reject. And should I get it I have to brace for expense! Costs a lot to paint those big paintings. But I made the commitment to myself. I often think about other people my age.They worked and now enjoy babysitting,taking senior cruises or are dead! Me,I keep pushing. I'm not trying to prove anything nor do I think I'll be famous.

I like it! So,Enter back Mr. Devil.He's watching CNN.He is keeping me straight. I did a series of paintings of this guy which I don't think I posted but you can be sure I will.
I am teaching a class on "Dreaming Outside of the Box" about Chagall and Man Ray.Well, Sat Mr.D in my bedroom last night and bring on the nightmares. I say thanks,it was exhausting but I needed the info. He wants to go to Portland next week.He's a First Class Devil so shouldn't he ride on a First class train!

September 26th 7:49Pm
What a beautiful night. On the deck listening to music.Waitied all day for the rain,never came. I had to move paintings today so started early. Can't beleive a month has gone by. Now,more work for some new shows.There is so much going on now I should probably write in the notebook with the black sharpie.I need to get some stuff out of my head and that was the only way I could,just kind of spill it.

I'll be right back,just thought of..............my old friend. Meet "Mr.Devil". I met this guy many years ago in Juarez Mexico. I don't know what it is about him but,I brought him home and here he is. He usually sits on the mantle but lately he has been up to some nasty tricks. Never,ever,EVER,make a deal with a devil. All of a sudden my focus is gone,my head is spinning, and I am falling back into the black hole.
I worked so hard on my show that I lost focus. The committment I made to myself. This is it.This is the last shot. I need the body of work. Every day,all summer,up at 4am working and for what? The what was a goal. I wanted to know if I could still do"it",still paint.Could I put it on a blank space? It is something that I can't explain but like a drug,I need it.
Well,back to my devil friend.
Know the old saying? Never make a deal with the devil? Well,I did. and now my head is so messed up.
But,it's all about the work,and all I care about is the work!

September 9 2012 7:35
On the deck listening to my records. Worked all day at Highwire on this painting.Changed the chairs and coated the blue with a layer of ink. I won't be back until next week but I think I made some progress.I got some new books I can't wait to read. Dr.Barnes on Cezanne and anothe on Mattise.

September 9 2012    6:21am
I did it. finished the work and filled the walls. I had all the drawings and collage but as of June had not started the canvases. I knew I could do it but knowing and doing are 2 different things. anyway the opening was mobbed. I actually sold 3 pieces which always makes for a good feeling. And,to sell to artists is what I like. Years ago in Santa Fe I was called a painters painter. And the strangest of all things. Thursday evening I received an e-mail from a man who had purchased a painting "South Pueblo" from my first show in Santa Fe at Blair Galleries.I remember that painting. I had shown it at the Butler Institute in Youngstown Ohio and took it with me when I had a show in El Paso Texas. I hung my show at the University of Texas at El Paso then went roaming around New Mexico trying to get a gallery. With slides,a resume and South Pueblo I got in the Blair Gallery. They liked my work so bumped another artist out of a spring show and gave it to me. It was September and I had to get back to El Paso,take down my show,get back to New Jersey and dream up what I was going to paint.some how I did it and somehow that man showed up and went home with "South Pueblo". The year was 1978. That was then and this is now. Oh the "now". Morris Blackburn,an instructor at PAFA always talked about the now. I tried to explain the now to someone the other day and he didn't get it. White bread and the now. The new PBJ. The now is the moment. Live in the moment. Who knows?
Like the opening Friday night. All the work,planning,struggling brings you to the now,the moment when it all comes togther,it's real and then time to move forward to the next challenge.

I was watching Alan Gilbert last night. I remember him as a young conductor.I took him to St Cecilia's School in Pennsauken N.J. to talk to the students. He was a very quiet and reserved young man. That was a moment in time I will never forget,I'm sure he has. But he was living in the now. Talking to young children about the violin and his work as a conductor. Last night I watched him as he conducted the New York Philharmonic Orchestra.
I went to Highwire yesterday and worked on some new Picasso Stuff paintings. Today,Cezanne's studio,this big one comes off the wall to work on. I'm not happy with the blue floor.

September 3,2012 10:34 am
It is pouring rain so my plan to either move paintings or work on the deck are out the window.
Trying to get this Cezanne Studio #2 finished but tough since I'm working in the garage.
I want this one to be totally different. Color brighter.There are 2 chairs and Cezanne's coat and his brown leather bag. Not there yet,but,I'll get there.
Having a Sea Dog Blueberry beer. Thinking it might hasten the process. I've been up since 3:38 am.I had a cup of coffee and checked the weather and there seemed to be a window of clearing so,I cleared a spot on my deck hoping to move this painting outside.Can't decide if I want to put the stuff on the shelf but it wouldn't be the studio without them and the floor needs work. I'll have a second Sea Dog Bluberry beer. Put the stuff on the shelf and take another photo.